dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
