I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
