I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
