I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
