I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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