hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize