he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
