See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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