I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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