What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
