Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
