I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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