3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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