it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it glows. i had to have it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
