then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who died my cat blue again?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
