I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
