One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
