I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
