What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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