look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
