now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
