I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
