i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
