The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
