also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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