RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
