if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
