how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
