these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
