Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
