My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
