We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
