I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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