Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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