Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
