I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
