I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
