I wish I could teleport
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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