Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
