I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
