I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
birth control should be required to get into college
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
