My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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