remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
