I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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