He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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