I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
