I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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