i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
