I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
