I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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