i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want a musical about memes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
