if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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