I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
