He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
