Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
