I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
