Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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