I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
