just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
