Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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