I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
