I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
