i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
