Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
