I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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