Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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