i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
