i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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