so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
