i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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