if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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