wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i came on her dog
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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