Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
