We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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