worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
