I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
