there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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