so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
