he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
