Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
