WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
